EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD
That´s how old he is. Tall, slim, not different from the others on what concerns to appearance. He doesn´t talk much - in fact, he doesn´t talk. He just does what he seems to think is extremely necessary. He embraces me when we meet, kisses me very lightly but slowly, as to reinforce what he´s doing. He always answers my questions with a smile to follow his voice, maybe worried about his own speech.
He lives alone with his own family. He never does what the others are doing or intend to do; it´s no use to invite him for this or for that - he´ll always say no. He watches movies that he doesn´t seem to enjoy and he reads books that most people wouldn´t feel like reading - philosophy, religion, yoga ... He also draws pictures of strange characters, prophets maybe of a different world. When he writes, he writes stories of worlds that end and a God who comes to start something new. He listens to music, too. Sometimes he plays the guitar, although with less frequency than he used to. And he prays many times a day, unaware of where he is or what people may think.
The fact that he´s not going to school doesn´t worry me. I know he´ll have plenty of time to study and, besides, I don´t think much of schools.But my heart sinks when I think of his own history - playing with his toys, apart from what happened in his house, his father coming home drunk and aggressive, his sister and mother so afraid, when he was a kid. At that time he didn´t seem to be affected by the problems - he just played with his toys.
Now , everybody does what they´re supposed to do - they go to school, they date, they make friends, etc and he ... he plays with his toys, I think. Maybe I shouldn´t be talking about this, it´s nobody´business, but I can´t help it. I can´t keep it all for myself, it´s just too heavy and too sad. Especially when he happens to say what he said yesterday: -"Grandma, won´t you come over one of these days and tell us some of your stories?"
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Monday, September 20, 2004
THE SWEET AND THE SOUR
THE SWEET AND THE SOUR
When Bryan said to David - "I know the sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet", he was trying to show him a contrast in their lives. Remember the movie? Vanilla Sky, of course. I like the script of this movie so much that sometimes I keep thinking of those statements, like this sweet and sour thing, for example.
Everybody knows there´s a great distance between the sweet ------------------- and the sour. But, how far is it? What about the variations? Very sweet, sweet, less sweet ----- a bit sour, sour, too sour. No, I´m not kidding. The sensations we experience are like that, somehow, with a wide range to cover. Besides, who can measure them?
Something very important too is how we feel them. An icecream could be the sweet when I was six. A dance that my father didn´t allow me to go could be the sour when I was 15. Later the sweet became more scarce, not because I was too demanding, but because people didn´t want to be happy. The sour then showed more often, most people trying to make it frequent in my routine.
I never gave up the sweet, and, believe me, I know the sour. If you enjoy living you can always find the sweet in many things. What about you? What is the sweet for you and what is the sour?
When Bryan said to David - "I know the sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet", he was trying to show him a contrast in their lives. Remember the movie? Vanilla Sky, of course. I like the script of this movie so much that sometimes I keep thinking of those statements, like this sweet and sour thing, for example.
Everybody knows there´s a great distance between the sweet ------------------- and the sour. But, how far is it? What about the variations? Very sweet, sweet, less sweet ----- a bit sour, sour, too sour. No, I´m not kidding. The sensations we experience are like that, somehow, with a wide range to cover. Besides, who can measure them?
Something very important too is how we feel them. An icecream could be the sweet when I was six. A dance that my father didn´t allow me to go could be the sour when I was 15. Later the sweet became more scarce, not because I was too demanding, but because people didn´t want to be happy. The sour then showed more often, most people trying to make it frequent in my routine.
I never gave up the sweet, and, believe me, I know the sour. If you enjoy living you can always find the sweet in many things. What about you? What is the sweet for you and what is the sour?
Friday, September 17, 2004
YOU TALK TOO MUCH
YOU TALK TOO MUCH
Does anybody have a friend who talks too much? I believe we all do, at least one, but if you don´t have any you probably have no idea of how uncomfortable it is to relate to them. They´re the kind of people you never call on the phone - if you must talk to them, you simply delay your call, you never do it, because just answering their calls is already the greatest punishment you can bear.
A friend of mine is exactly the kind I´m talking about. When I answer the phone and I hear her voice asking me how I am, I feel like I took the wrong rocket to a faraway planet where I won´t have a ghost of a chance to be back before Christmas. After she asks me how I am, which I can answer in a few words,nothing else will I be able to say, except for some ohs, and ahs, and maybe hum-hum. And she talks about people I never saw or have any desire to see; she puts me uptodate with her family problems, all of them, it seems to me, and she also , out of politeness, favors me with some comments about my own family.
I do try to hang up, I know there´s always something we can do, something we can say, but ... who can say it? It usually takes me one hour to be able to say -"Sorry, I can´t talk at the moment." Different thoughts and feelings occur to me during these agonies. Sometimes I pity her - a person nobody wants to talk to; it must be terrible. Sometimes I hate her for being so harmful. Yes, harmful. And I also think of the people who "have" to talk with her - her son, her sisters and nieces ... I don´t know. Maybe they don´t. Maybe they have found a way to get rid of her.
Does anybody have a friend who talks too much? I believe we all do, at least one, but if you don´t have any you probably have no idea of how uncomfortable it is to relate to them. They´re the kind of people you never call on the phone - if you must talk to them, you simply delay your call, you never do it, because just answering their calls is already the greatest punishment you can bear.
A friend of mine is exactly the kind I´m talking about. When I answer the phone and I hear her voice asking me how I am, I feel like I took the wrong rocket to a faraway planet where I won´t have a ghost of a chance to be back before Christmas. After she asks me how I am, which I can answer in a few words,nothing else will I be able to say, except for some ohs, and ahs, and maybe hum-hum. And she talks about people I never saw or have any desire to see; she puts me uptodate with her family problems, all of them, it seems to me, and she also , out of politeness, favors me with some comments about my own family.
I do try to hang up, I know there´s always something we can do, something we can say, but ... who can say it? It usually takes me one hour to be able to say -"Sorry, I can´t talk at the moment." Different thoughts and feelings occur to me during these agonies. Sometimes I pity her - a person nobody wants to talk to; it must be terrible. Sometimes I hate her for being so harmful. Yes, harmful. And I also think of the people who "have" to talk with her - her son, her sisters and nieces ... I don´t know. Maybe they don´t. Maybe they have found a way to get rid of her.
Monday, September 13, 2004
IT´S SPRING!
IT´S SPRING!
Brazil is a tropical country; I´m not sure you know what it means. Well, it means that it´s NEVER too cold or uncomfortable to go out. Every child is taught about the four seasons, but they are so similar (the seasons) that you can hardly tell one from the others. Summer is usually TOO hot and Winter is never really cold. Spring is a good time for planting - I know that because I have a garden, but people who live in apartments don´t take notice of being Spring or not. As to FALL, I never recognized it in my country.
But then you may say: -"Oh, New York is also very hot in the Summer, and the same thing happens in many towns in Italy. It´s hot in Summer, you can´t help it, so what? What makes your country different and so "tropical"?
I know it´s not polite to answer a question with another question, but let me ask you one thing: -How long does Summer last in your country? I don´t know exactly, especially because I don´t know where you are, but in Brazil it lasts much more ... It can be very hot here for six months in succession, and then change for a little less hot during about three or four months. When is it a little cold? A few days. And when is it very cold? Never. This is possibly a good definition for a tropical country.
It´s hot now. We´re having beautiful weather and we´re wearing shorts and colorful clothes. We drink iced beer and talk at the cafés. It´s Spring!
Brazil is a tropical country; I´m not sure you know what it means. Well, it means that it´s NEVER too cold or uncomfortable to go out. Every child is taught about the four seasons, but they are so similar (the seasons) that you can hardly tell one from the others. Summer is usually TOO hot and Winter is never really cold. Spring is a good time for planting - I know that because I have a garden, but people who live in apartments don´t take notice of being Spring or not. As to FALL, I never recognized it in my country.
But then you may say: -"Oh, New York is also very hot in the Summer, and the same thing happens in many towns in Italy. It´s hot in Summer, you can´t help it, so what? What makes your country different and so "tropical"?
I know it´s not polite to answer a question with another question, but let me ask you one thing: -How long does Summer last in your country? I don´t know exactly, especially because I don´t know where you are, but in Brazil it lasts much more ... It can be very hot here for six months in succession, and then change for a little less hot during about three or four months. When is it a little cold? A few days. And when is it very cold? Never. This is possibly a good definition for a tropical country.
It´s hot now. We´re having beautiful weather and we´re wearing shorts and colorful clothes. We drink iced beer and talk at the cafés. It´s Spring!
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
INDEPENDENCE DAY
INDEPENDENCE DAY
Yes, it´s Independence Day here in my country. It´s a beautiful day, the sky is so blue, the sun is hot, you are not going to work (it´s a holiday, of course), so you invite friends to join you for lunch and drinks around the pool.Watching the morning news on TV makes you sad and revolted. So many children dying in Russia just because some people can be so cruel and stupid. It makes you think that we´re living World War 3, which is worse than the previous ones, because innocent people are killed. Instead of trained soldiers, they aim at children and working people.I feel like crying, but I have to cook lunch. Soon my folks will be here and I´ll probably get better keeping busy in the kitchen. My son suggested some pasta with spinach cream - it´s a good idea. Then I look at the sky that is painfully blue ... Oh, my God, why? I know I´ll be better in a moment. But the moment is not now. I need to cry ...
Yes, it´s Independence Day here in my country. It´s a beautiful day, the sky is so blue, the sun is hot, you are not going to work (it´s a holiday, of course), so you invite friends to join you for lunch and drinks around the pool.Watching the morning news on TV makes you sad and revolted. So many children dying in Russia just because some people can be so cruel and stupid. It makes you think that we´re living World War 3, which is worse than the previous ones, because innocent people are killed. Instead of trained soldiers, they aim at children and working people.I feel like crying, but I have to cook lunch. Soon my folks will be here and I´ll probably get better keeping busy in the kitchen. My son suggested some pasta with spinach cream - it´s a good idea. Then I look at the sky that is painfully blue ... Oh, my God, why? I know I´ll be better in a moment. But the moment is not now. I need to cry ...
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