It was not just because of the pictures I saw in an old family álbum. I do think about changes very often; the album was only a good reason for keeping these thoughts in my mind for hours. Whose were those smiling faces, showing in so many different ways, as if living several stories? I knew it was me, I could recognize those existing moments, just as an actress can remember unforgetable roles. But where was I, as I feel myself now? Not in those faces and smiles. Now wait a minute: I still smile a lot; I´m not a sad person, if that´s maybe what you might have understood, but, I simply cannot see myself in those pictures. What I see in fact is a parade of times gone by, with their typical characters and clothes.
Some of them remind me of the post-war, for the ample skirts, others have the scent of the golden years and many others bring up the memories of Mary Quant and Dior. Holy Goodness, how many lives will I still have to live? How much will I still have to learn (and forget) in my time? How many faces will I have to show a world that demands so many changes … I remember when I learned to use a computer, how much joy and relief to think that I could do it like everybody else! Now I hear the news about technology that will enable us to have so many things and I feel afraid.
Being old is no problem for me. Old age is lighter, more childish and less responsible. What scares me is the fear of being outdated and having to go on, just like an insane actor who keeps on looking for a character that doesn´t exist …
