A SHAMAN

"A SHAMAN ... KNOWS THERE IS A SEA OF CONSCIOUNESS THAT IS UNIVERSAL EVEN THOUGH WE EACH PERCEIVE IT IT FROM OUR OWN SHOES, AN AWARENESS AND A WORLD THAT WE ALL SHARE, THAT CAN BE EXPERIENCED BY EVERY LIVING BEING, YET IS SELDOM SEEN BY ANY."



(VILLOLDO AND JENDRESEN)



The four winds

Sunday, August 29, 2004

THE RIGHT GUY

THE RIGHT GUY

I will never forget the day I met him. I was sitting at a cafĂ© in Copacabana, having beer and trying to have some fun. It was one of those summer evenings when you just "have" to go out, otherwise you feel like you´re not living. My friends were laughing at something when I noticed the three men.

Two of them were staring at me, smiling as if they had found what they had been looking for. Five minutes later the waiter brought me a message, something silly saying they wanted to talk to me. I hated it from the very beginning. Why me? Why not one of the other girls at my table? I knew the answer, and it made me sick. They were probably a bit heavier than the stereotype they always pursued. I had the measures, the right outfit, I was the prototype.

Why do people need to act so obvious? Why don´t they allow themselves the right to discover, the capacity of inventing, of being different, maybe? My girl friends were, by the way, very interesting people, the kind of people who have something to say.

Later on I had to go to the restroom, and one of them grabbed me by the arm when I passed. They introduced themselves and, trying to be nice, invited me to a disco that was the hit of the moment.I just watched, recalling my previous thoughts. Only then I noticed that one of them was not trying to be persuasive, was not insisting, was just waiting, as if he himself was sorry for what was happening. He seemed, in fact, to be eager to re-take some conversation they might have been having before I passed them. He was different. He was not interested in a girl for her right measures. Suddenly, I heard myself saying: -“Yes, I´ll go if Daniel goes.” Daniel was his name.

The disco was crowded, the music playing loud as usual, too much smoke in the air and many people dancing. We sat at a small table, Daniel and I, had our drinks, smoked, danced and kissed. I must confess I was eager to find out some more about him.

I remember one moment when he said: -“I can´t see you. “ Of course he couldn´t see me very well. In the darkness of the disco one couldn´t tell the color of your eyes or the shape of your lips. A bit intoxicated by the drinks, the cigarettes and the heavy atmosphere, we then left for my apartment. We had moments of warm sex and little talk. We were both too tired.

In the morning, near the window of my small apartment, he took my arm and said again : -“I can´t see you.” I couldn´t understand, but he explained: -“I´m blind.”

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Sunday, August 22, 2004

Too busy

I ´ve been too busy the last few days; I couldn´t write a word or even think about it. And when I finished what I had to do, Mariana surprised me with a very high fever.
It´s something hard to understand that such a delicate and lovely new person of only seven months of age can have high fever ,,, And feel so badly, so out of this world.
She´s sleeping now, resting, and I hope the fever has ceased for good. She can´t speak yet, but I try to guess every signal from her. I´m going to have some rest, too. Hush ...

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Things I miss

THINGS I MISS

Today I found myself thinking of the things I miss , things that I can´t have now, simple things that I used to have in Rio. Yes, Rio de Janeiro, the city where I lived most of my life.
First of all, the smell from the sea, together with the breese that seemed part of it.
Then the iced beer that rolled down my throat like a balsam.
The beat of "pandeiros" and little drums played by popular musicians.
The young people who passed, making you think that the whole world is young and beautiful. And happy.
The old people who walk along the beach, tanned and vigorous, showing their sense of opportunity.
The calls from friends, always asking - "What the hell are you doing at home on a Friday night?"

All right, I won´t cry.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

MAKING THINGS HAPPEN

MAKING THINGS HAPPEN


A good friend of mine has just e-mailed to tell that she´s going to leave the country to do a yatch-master course and start a new kind of life, taking boats to places and, most of all, earning her living in an adventurous way.
I feel happy for her. Why do so many people live a lifetime doing the same old thing, even if they don´t like it, just because they think they can´t change it? That´s something I´ll never understand.
Living is a miracle in itself. It´s something so great and so intense that we cannot imprison within our fears. It´s too beautiful a planet we live on. Why not enjoy it? Why not discover our own potential in sharing with the rest of the world? Let´s all sail, if not in a boat, but in our thoughts, in our words, in our attitude ...
Goodbye, Katie. Be happy. The world will never be too big for you, because your soul can reach the stars.