THE RIGHT GUY
I will never forget the day I met him. I was sitting at a café in Copacabana, having beer and trying to have some fun. It was one of those summer evenings when you just "have" to go out, otherwise you feel like you´re not living. My friends were laughing at something when I noticed the three men.
Two of them were staring at me, smiling as if they had found what they had been looking for. Five minutes later the waiter brought me a message, something silly saying they wanted to talk to me. I hated it from the very beginning. Why me? Why not one of the other girls at my table? I knew the answer, and it made me sick. They were probably a bit heavier than the stereotype they always pursued. I had the measures, the right outfit, I was the prototype.
Why do people need to act so obvious? Why don´t they allow themselves the right to discover, the capacity of inventing, of being different, maybe? My girl friends were, by the way, very interesting people, the kind of people who have something to say.
Later on I had to go to the restroom, and one of them grabbed me by the arm when I passed. They introduced themselves and, trying to be nice, invited me to a disco that was the hit of the moment.I just watched, recalling my previous thoughts. Only then I noticed that one of them was not trying to be persuasive, was not insisting, was just waiting, as if he himself was sorry for what was happening. He seemed, in fact, to be eager to re-take some conversation they might have been having before I passed them. He was different. He was not interested in a girl for her right measures. Suddenly, I heard myself saying: -“Yes, I´ll go if Daniel goes.” Daniel was his name.
The disco was crowded, the music playing loud as usual, too much smoke in the air and many people dancing. We sat at a small table, Daniel and I, had our drinks, smoked, danced and kissed. I must confess I was eager to find out some more about him.
I remember one moment when he said: -“I can´t see you. “ Of course he couldn´t see me very well. In the darkness of the disco one couldn´t tell the color of your eyes or the shape of your lips. A bit intoxicated by the drinks, the cigarettes and the heavy atmosphere, we then left for my apartment. We had moments of warm sex and little talk. We were both too tired.
In the morning, near the window of my small apartment, he took my arm and said again : -“I can´t see you.” I couldn´t understand, but he explained: -“I´m blind.”
.....................................................................................................
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
woman in the well
Mariana is still sick. Is the world moving? I thought everything had stopped. I don´t know very well what´s going on outside, but I know that here in Brasilia it´s very hot and too dry. It´s so dry that sometimes you feel like drinking buckets of water. You can´t, so just have a glass of it.
Why is so complicated to cure a baby that is sick? The days are beautiful now, but they are too bright and too blue. You simply don´t know what to do with them. What do we do with blue skies and too much luminosity?
No, I had no drinks, except water. By the way, where is tomorrow? I need it.ref="http://yesmydear.blogspot.com/">woman in the well
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Too busy
I ´ve been too busy the last few days; I couldn´t write a word or even think about it. And when I finished what I had to do, Mariana surprised me with a very high fever.
It´s something hard to understand that such a delicate and lovely new person of only seven months of age can have high fever ,,, And feel so badly, so out of this world.
She´s sleeping now, resting, and I hope the fever has ceased for good. She can´t speak yet, but I try to guess every signal from her. I´m going to have some rest, too. Hush ...
It´s something hard to understand that such a delicate and lovely new person of only seven months of age can have high fever ,,, And feel so badly, so out of this world.
She´s sleeping now, resting, and I hope the fever has ceased for good. She can´t speak yet, but I try to guess every signal from her. I´m going to have some rest, too. Hush ...
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Things I miss
THINGS I MISS
Today I found myself thinking of the things I miss , things that I can´t have now, simple things that I used to have in Rio. Yes, Rio de Janeiro, the city where I lived most of my life.
First of all, the smell from the sea, together with the breese that seemed part of it.
Then the iced beer that rolled down my throat like a balsam.
The beat of "pandeiros" and little drums played by popular musicians.
The young people who passed, making you think that the whole world is young and beautiful. And happy.
The old people who walk along the beach, tanned and vigorous, showing their sense of opportunity.
The calls from friends, always asking - "What the hell are you doing at home on a Friday night?"
All right, I won´t cry.
Today I found myself thinking of the things I miss , things that I can´t have now, simple things that I used to have in Rio. Yes, Rio de Janeiro, the city where I lived most of my life.
First of all, the smell from the sea, together with the breese that seemed part of it.
Then the iced beer that rolled down my throat like a balsam.
The beat of "pandeiros" and little drums played by popular musicians.
The young people who passed, making you think that the whole world is young and beautiful. And happy.
The old people who walk along the beach, tanned and vigorous, showing their sense of opportunity.
The calls from friends, always asking - "What the hell are you doing at home on a Friday night?"
All right, I won´t cry.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
MAKING THINGS HAPPEN
MAKING THINGS HAPPEN
A good friend of mine has just e-mailed to tell that she´s going to leave the country to do a yatch-master course and start a new kind of life, taking boats to places and, most of all, earning her living in an adventurous way.
I feel happy for her. Why do so many people live a lifetime doing the same old thing, even if they don´t like it, just because they think they can´t change it? That´s something I´ll never understand.
Living is a miracle in itself. It´s something so great and so intense that we cannot imprison within our fears. It´s too beautiful a planet we live on. Why not enjoy it? Why not discover our own potential in sharing with the rest of the world? Let´s all sail, if not in a boat, but in our thoughts, in our words, in our attitude ...
Goodbye, Katie. Be happy. The world will never be too big for you, because your soul can reach the stars.
A good friend of mine has just e-mailed to tell that she´s going to leave the country to do a yatch-master course and start a new kind of life, taking boats to places and, most of all, earning her living in an adventurous way.
I feel happy for her. Why do so many people live a lifetime doing the same old thing, even if they don´t like it, just because they think they can´t change it? That´s something I´ll never understand.
Living is a miracle in itself. It´s something so great and so intense that we cannot imprison within our fears. It´s too beautiful a planet we live on. Why not enjoy it? Why not discover our own potential in sharing with the rest of the world? Let´s all sail, if not in a boat, but in our thoughts, in our words, in our attitude ...
Goodbye, Katie. Be happy. The world will never be too big for you, because your soul can reach the stars.
Friday, July 23, 2004
DRIVING AGAIN
DRIVING AGAIN
Once I thought I would never drive a car again. I had gone back to Rio, where I didn´t really need a car, with so many buses and so much danger when you´re driving. Fourteen years later, fourteen years older too, here I am, coming back to Brasilia, a city where everybody needs a car.
At first I was insecure about my driving skills. What happens when you´re over sixty and you haven´t been using those skills for 14 years? “I have to renew my driving license”, I claimed, trying to gain time. I needed to take a breath before facing the traffic and the new roads. To tell you the truth, I only had time for a short breath – renewing the license was a quick action and then there I was behind the wheel, having my granddaughter in the back seat. Just the thought of my precious passenger made me tense and a bit afraid. It was too much of a responsibility for an unexperienced elderly driver.
Then, just like magic, it happened. After a short prayer I found myself driving the car, using my hands and feet as if they were the ones who knew how to do it. It was a strange experience. I didn´t have to think. My hands and feet did the job, and my eyes helped them, watching attentively, of course.
I expect to drive better and better – “practice makes perfect”, but for now, I feel I was able to overcome a challenge . Very good for a grandmother.
Once I thought I would never drive a car again. I had gone back to Rio, where I didn´t really need a car, with so many buses and so much danger when you´re driving. Fourteen years later, fourteen years older too, here I am, coming back to Brasilia, a city where everybody needs a car.
At first I was insecure about my driving skills. What happens when you´re over sixty and you haven´t been using those skills for 14 years? “I have to renew my driving license”, I claimed, trying to gain time. I needed to take a breath before facing the traffic and the new roads. To tell you the truth, I only had time for a short breath – renewing the license was a quick action and then there I was behind the wheel, having my granddaughter in the back seat. Just the thought of my precious passenger made me tense and a bit afraid. It was too much of a responsibility for an unexperienced elderly driver.
Then, just like magic, it happened. After a short prayer I found myself driving the car, using my hands and feet as if they were the ones who knew how to do it. It was a strange experience. I didn´t have to think. My hands and feet did the job, and my eyes helped them, watching attentively, of course.
I expect to drive better and better – “practice makes perfect”, but for now, I feel I was able to overcome a challenge . Very good for a grandmother.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Twelve years ago
TWELVE YEARS AGO
Yes, it was twelve years ago, when I visited Rio and decided to call Noemia. Rio de Janeiro is a wonderful city – you go to the beach in the morning and feel like doing things for the rest of the day. The hot sun and the sea water influence your spirits in a way that you just keep moving, eager to enjoy whatever possible.
“- Noemia, my dear, how are things?”
“- Not very well. You see, I lost my job, I`m not a qualified professional, as you know, so it´s not easy for me to find a new one. But it´s wonderful to hear from you! Are you in Rio?”
“-Yes, I just came for a few days.
“-Really? What have you been doing?”
“- I´ve been going to the beach , to restaurants ...
“-We should meet for a drink, maybe a nice place to dance. I know one which is fabulous ...
We did. The place was nice, the music was superb. The middle-aged gentleman at a table next to us invited me to dance and in a few seconds was telling me about his recent misfortune: his wife had died and left him alone after a twenty-four-year old marriage. I saw my beer getting warm at the table and gained courage to interrupt him.(I´m not usually a bad listener, but I hate warm beer) Then he invited Noemia for a dance. For a long time they danced and talked, I mean, he talked. I could guess Noemia learned everything about him during their walk on the dance floor. Back at the table, they continued their acquaintance sipping their drinks and dancing a bit more, my friend listening quietly as if she were the older person. I could never understand how Noemia could be so patient and quiet, never in a hurry to live and let live.When we said goodbye I took a taxi to my hotel and saw the gentleman was giving Noemia a ride.
The next day we talked:
“-Did he take you home?”
“-Well, no, he took me to his home.”
“-Oh, so now you´re back to your apartment.”
“-Just to pick my things. He invited me for the weekend; he´s a nice person, and what am I going to do here, just thinking about the bills I have to pay?”
After my trip, back in Brasilia, engaging into my work routine, I heard from her.
“-I had to tell you the news.”
“- You got a job!”
“-No. Walter and I are living together. He´s such a nice person, he said I don´t have to worry about money anymore. He even paid my debts!”
“-That sounds really good.”
A few days ago, twelve years later, Noemia called.
“-It´s been a long time, Noemia! How are things?”
“-Well, Walter died. He was a good man, he helped me in everything. I miss him.”
“-Yes, but now you must face things and think of your future ...”
“-That´s the problem. Walter left me some money, he even tried to teach me how to use it, but I spent everything gambling at the Bingo casino. I guess I felt lonely and sad after his death, that´s why. He would die again if he knew what I did with the money he left me.
“-I feel sorry about it, but now, Noemia, it´s no use to cry over it ...
“- It´s easier said than done, my dear.”
“-Look, I´m going to Rio this weekend. We can meet and maybe, who knows, I can help you to think it over.
“- That´s very good. You just can´t imagine how happy I am to know that you´ll be here in a few days. We can go out together, listen to some good music.I know a fabulous place where we can go to have a drink and dance ...
.
..............................................................................................................................................
Yes, it was twelve years ago, when I visited Rio and decided to call Noemia. Rio de Janeiro is a wonderful city – you go to the beach in the morning and feel like doing things for the rest of the day. The hot sun and the sea water influence your spirits in a way that you just keep moving, eager to enjoy whatever possible.
“- Noemia, my dear, how are things?”
“- Not very well. You see, I lost my job, I`m not a qualified professional, as you know, so it´s not easy for me to find a new one. But it´s wonderful to hear from you! Are you in Rio?”
“-Yes, I just came for a few days.
“-Really? What have you been doing?”
“- I´ve been going to the beach , to restaurants ...
“-We should meet for a drink, maybe a nice place to dance. I know one which is fabulous ...
We did. The place was nice, the music was superb. The middle-aged gentleman at a table next to us invited me to dance and in a few seconds was telling me about his recent misfortune: his wife had died and left him alone after a twenty-four-year old marriage. I saw my beer getting warm at the table and gained courage to interrupt him.(I´m not usually a bad listener, but I hate warm beer) Then he invited Noemia for a dance. For a long time they danced and talked, I mean, he talked. I could guess Noemia learned everything about him during their walk on the dance floor. Back at the table, they continued their acquaintance sipping their drinks and dancing a bit more, my friend listening quietly as if she were the older person. I could never understand how Noemia could be so patient and quiet, never in a hurry to live and let live.When we said goodbye I took a taxi to my hotel and saw the gentleman was giving Noemia a ride.
The next day we talked:
“-Did he take you home?”
“-Well, no, he took me to his home.”
“-Oh, so now you´re back to your apartment.”
“-Just to pick my things. He invited me for the weekend; he´s a nice person, and what am I going to do here, just thinking about the bills I have to pay?”
After my trip, back in Brasilia, engaging into my work routine, I heard from her.
“-I had to tell you the news.”
“- You got a job!”
“-No. Walter and I are living together. He´s such a nice person, he said I don´t have to worry about money anymore. He even paid my debts!”
“-That sounds really good.”
A few days ago, twelve years later, Noemia called.
“-It´s been a long time, Noemia! How are things?”
“-Well, Walter died. He was a good man, he helped me in everything. I miss him.”
“-Yes, but now you must face things and think of your future ...”
“-That´s the problem. Walter left me some money, he even tried to teach me how to use it, but I spent everything gambling at the Bingo casino. I guess I felt lonely and sad after his death, that´s why. He would die again if he knew what I did with the money he left me.
“-I feel sorry about it, but now, Noemia, it´s no use to cry over it ...
“- It´s easier said than done, my dear.”
“-Look, I´m going to Rio this weekend. We can meet and maybe, who knows, I can help you to think it over.
“- That´s very good. You just can´t imagine how happy I am to know that you´ll be here in a few days. We can go out together, listen to some good music.I know a fabulous place where we can go to have a drink and dance ...
.
..............................................................................................................................................
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
IMPOSSIBLE LOVE
IMPOSSIBLE LOVE
The last night will fall upon us,
And we´ll be just shadows, nothing more ...
I´ll find you among the others
And you´ll see me in the dark.
We´ll embrace tenderly for long,
And no words will be said in the end.
Silently our love will rest
Because we´ll be just shadows, nothing more ...
The last night will fall upon us,
And we´ll be just shadows, nothing more ...
I´ll find you among the others
And you´ll see me in the dark.
We´ll embrace tenderly for long,
And no words will be said in the end.
Silently our love will rest
Because we´ll be just shadows, nothing more ...
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
STILL ABOUT GETTING OLD
You know you´re getting old when ...
Men are not insisting to buy you a drink.
Your son calls everyday and asks: "You sure you´re well?"
An old friend asks: "Do you still work?"
Your hairdresser doesn´t ask about your affairs.
The saleswoman recommends larger dresses.
Etc etc etc etc etc
Men are not insisting to buy you a drink.
Your son calls everyday and asks: "You sure you´re well?"
An old friend asks: "Do you still work?"
Your hairdresser doesn´t ask about your affairs.
The saleswoman recommends larger dresses.
Etc etc etc etc etc
Friday, July 09, 2004
Being young, being old
this morning I was taking a look at my clothes hanging in the closet when the question suddenly came up as a complaint: "Why do we have to behave old if we don´t feel old? Why do we have to be "conservative" in appearance, as if trying to hide our imperfection? why do we have to be so different?"
The greatest difference between being young and being old is not what you do, but what people do to you. In this particular case society demands too much from us, especially if we´re healthy and willing to live. I´m sure there are millions of people who would like to act young, wearing the same clothes, going to the same places, listening to the same music, having the same drinks, making the same mistakes ...
Things change, all right. They do. New trends appear in the market, with new material, different fabric; unthinkable ideas are put into action to make people live better and happier; concepts once thought eternal fall down like sand castels ... But not for us. Oh, ok, some of them can be shared by young and old. Some. About 80% of them cannot. Other people would say we´re "ridiculous" or "inadequate". Old people must look virtuous full time. And wise, too. And, most of all, very reserved.
The greatest difference between being young and being old is not what you do, but what people do to you. In this particular case society demands too much from us, especially if we´re healthy and willing to live. I´m sure there are millions of people who would like to act young, wearing the same clothes, going to the same places, listening to the same music, having the same drinks, making the same mistakes ...
Things change, all right. They do. New trends appear in the market, with new material, different fabric; unthinkable ideas are put into action to make people live better and happier; concepts once thought eternal fall down like sand castels ... But not for us. Oh, ok, some of them can be shared by young and old. Some. About 80% of them cannot. Other people would say we´re "ridiculous" or "inadequate". Old people must look virtuous full time. And wise, too. And, most of all, very reserved.
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